Tuesday, 3 November 2009

The Only Joke I Could Come Up With At Work

Mona Lisa was taken into custody today for attempted murder.

She was later released as police realised she was framed.

Oh Stop Wineing

What alcoholic beverage is quickly becoming extinct?

White Wineo

An Astute Observation

Here's something i don't get. Actually, instead of just putting it out there and signing off, i'll explain how this came to my mind.

So im swimming early in the morning- the old peoples hour.
(Old people sure love to swim, and the baffling thing is they are so good at it. Im a pretty strong swimmer, but i do two lengths then im clinging onto the side panting away, while the old folks just keep on going at their monotonous breast stroke. Its embarrassing - but another story).

So anyway, as im at the side gasping for air, theres an old guy next to me. This guy looked kinda like, but wasnt, but for the stories sake definetly was, Michael Caine:

So Michaels standing there about to take off again, when this asian guy drifts over. For arguments sake this asian guy played Jin's father on LOST:

So Mr Kwon swims over, and Michael starts to smile - initially i thought "woah this is weird...are they flirting!?" before i concluded they just knew each other. They clearly wernt close friends, but they recognised each other, and there was an element of forced small talk that went like so:

Mr Kwon: "Oh hello"
Michael Caine: "Hello...how you?"

How you!? Not how are you, but how you!
Why is it that people feel the need to change their accents, and really dum down their sentences when talking to foreigners? Foreigners, who have probably lived in this country for centuries.
I get it if they are just learning the language or something. I mean when i went to India the kids didnt understand most of what i said ["GO AWAY!"] so i spoke in key words, like "Camera broken, camera broken". (I always repeated it, like i aquired my language skills from watching parrots on YouTube). But does the word "are" really need to be dropped from that sentence? The guy thought the asian guy couldnt possibly wrap his mind around the sentence with the word "are" in it. So weird.

It went to an even weirded place though when their small talk dried up:

Mr Kwon: "Im fine, you fine?"
Michael Caine: "Im fine"
(Awkward silence and the asian guy cracks first)
Mr Kwon: "Water...wet"

What an astute observation..

Monday, 2 November 2009

Notebooks At the Ready

Seeing old people making out is gross. That's a fact.
But at what age does it go from being ok, to simply gross?

Exhibit 1:
People like seeing two young people making out, cause its romantic (if your a girl) or looks hot (if your a guy). The kissers are in the mid to late 20s - and its looking good.

Exhibit 2:

Later on in this film, these two make out - and its gross to see. Im not vomiting or anything, but i did squint my eyes when watching. People seem to agree as i couldn't find a single pic of them kissing in that film (compared to over 600,000 images of the 1st image). They are in their 70s and its weird to watch.

So my question: What is the age where the threshold is crossed between hot and gross?
I'd safely say 70 and 60 is weird...would you be weired out by 50 year olds making out on the street? I think i would.

What about 40 year olds really going at it? Matthew Fox is in his 40's and im ok with seeing that (..what?) So maybe its between 40 and 50? On the eve of your 50th birthday perhaps? i don't know, im not a doctor, but what i do know is old people making out is gross! FACT!

Where The Hell Did This Phrase Come From!?

Kettle Of Fish

This is one of those phrases where the origin worries me alot. Where could it possibly come from? Either way im sure the NSPCA are going to be pissed!

Cue fish jokes:
Bet the guy responsible felt so gill-ty.
This is proof that there is no cod.
...ok..thats enough.

In Conclusion - it can only be bad news, when the sound of steam becomes the tuna death.
(im allowed to go out on one)